TMI...or More Stuff Nobody Tells You

I got my hair cut and highlighted this week, and I was looking forward to it, but also dreading it.  See, my hairdresser was the second person I told I was pregnant.  I literally had an appointment to get my hair cut and highlighted the day after I found out.  And I wasn't telling anyone yet, other than my mom, but I had heard that maybe coloring your hair wasn't such a great idea if you are pregnant, so I felt like I had to tell her.

She was super sweet, because I was a serious mess that day.  I was still in complete shock and WTF mode, and I started bawling as soon as she spoke to me.  By the way, her verdict was that yes, it's perfectly safe, but that clearly I wasn't comfortable with it, and so we didn't do the highlights that day.  Anyway, I hadn't seen her yet to tell her I had a miscarriage.

So, I told her, and didn't cry, miraculously.  I mean, generally I'm okay as I go about my day to day life, but somehow the first time I have to tell anyone, I cry.  Turns out, she had two miscarriages herself.  Between her two beautiful, healthy children, I might add.  I'm continually shocked at the number of women who have had this experience.

Anyway, on to the TMI portion of the post.

Nobody tells you that the first time you have your period after a miscarriage it's incredibly traumatic.  I think on some level it was giving me flashbacks to the entire miscarriage experience.  Maybe it's a touch of post traumatic stress disorder or something.  Plus, there was a tiny bit of my brain that really hoped I was pregnant again.  I know it was unlikely, but still.

So, that first little spot threw me into hysterical tears.  And I kept crying off and on the rest of the day.  R thought I'd lost my mind.  It makes complete sense that it would be difficult, but really, it hadn't occurred to me, and nobody had told me that.  I hope you never have to experience this, but seriously, somebody should warn you, just in case.

On a positive note, I've always had insane PMS, probably more to the point of PMDD.  Like since I was a teenager I've missed school or work every month.  I take crazy amounts of ibuprofen and lay in bed all day with a heating pad on my stomach.  Plus I've always had terrible breast pain and even have to wear larger bras in the week or two leading up to my period. (Yes, TWO, like as in I spend half my life in pain.)

I've heard that pregnancy is one of the best "cures" for PMS.  But somehow I thought you had to like actually have a baby to reap this benefit.  Turns out not.  At least for me.

This month I didn't have any pain in my boobs at all.  And I had really minor cramps.  I took a couple ibuprophen here and there, and that was it.  No biggie.  So, it's a small consolation for having to go through the miscarriage, but really, with the huge issue PMS always was for me, it's actually not such a small consolation.  It's kind of huge.

Don't get me wrong.  I would rather still be pregnant. But it's good to know some positive something came out of this.